Five months ago, I was thrust into a process of change that caught me slightly unawares. It turned my whole life asunder and I have spent the best part of the last five months writing about how I actually got to this stage in my life. I am in the midst of a profound personal adjustment – the introvert pieces of which have been ticking over for five months – and now the external, logistical pieces are about to unfold. I am moving house and city.
Right now, I am sitting in my normal ‘writing spot’ but I am surrounded by packed bags and boxes, bare walls and basically, a complete mess! I am moving from a city I have lived in for 10 years to a completely unknown future. Where will I live, will I meet friends, will I find a job I like? These questions have been flying around my head all afternoon. In some ways it’s a brave move, in other ways, maybe I need my head examined.
All I know is that I can’t stay ‘here’ anymore; the ‘here’ being the place I have been for almost five years – lost, aimless and utterly plan-less, fighting a losing battle, floating along in the river of ‘De Nial’, stuck in limbo like the hamster on the spinning wheel who is spinning furiously with all his might, but getting no-where.
There are some major things I want to achieve before the end of 2012:
1. Detox my life from bad influences (people, places, unhealthy habits and thoughts)
– moving city is a big step on this one, others will require will-power and a gym membership
2. Complete my manuscript through to the re-editing phase, ready to be sent for a critique
– I have finished my first draft, so my manuscript is currently in the ‘stewing’ phase
3. Galvanize my five-year plan in terms of my desired new career
– this will be the toughest but I am now solely thinking about what suits me, what I enjoy and what I am good at, as opposed to the monetary value of a role. I have ear-marked some college courses and want to to really develop my writing portfolio.
4. Get to a happy, healthy place
– this will take some work, but if I focus on points 1-3, I hope I will achieve this eventually.
This new phase has been circling the outskirts of my life for a long time, but until now, I have not had the courage nor the confidence to admit the reality that things needed to change. Now is my chance to make a difference to my life, to break free of old routines and bad-habit circles and to begin developing a version 2.0 of me. I will probably falter a few times but I hope my determination to change my life will follow through into my actions.
A fresh start, a new beginning, a blank page, I hope Budda is right – fingers crossed!
NMG.C
Whatsitallaboutandotherstories 
Well, the hard party’s over – acknowledgement and decision. From now on it’s much easier – just prosaic, everyday things like packing, unpacking, and then the fun things, like the freedom of a fresh start, of reinventing yourself. Of course it’s all walking into the unknown, but that’s life, wherever you are. Don’t worry, be happy … 🙂
Exactly, once I get over the ‘Oh my God’ phase, it’s quiet exciting in ways – a new adventure 🙂
Truly, that’s what it is. Best of luck finishing the packing:)
Hey there,
I did this in 2007, feeling much the same way as you do now. I don’t regret it. Something needed to change, and my move did motivate me. I learned a lot from it, as I’m sure you will too.
For me, I learned that it didn’t matter if I moved to the other end of the world…my problems were attached to me, not my location; I learned that I had friend’s back home that I missed and didn’t want to be without; and I learned that I could accomplish everything I wanted to no matter where I was. I came back after 3 months, which isn’t actually the end of the story. It took me 3 years of teaching all over the UK, living in student halls (!) and with my mum (!) to eventually get back to where I had been. Although, in a much better location than before. The location of my flat in the city where I stay had been part of the problem.
Not so much now, and I’m much happier, but it probably would never have turned out this way for me if I hadn’t spent that 3 months in Greece…running away! LOL.
Happy travels & I hope you find what you’re looking for 🙂
Alyson
Thanks for the reply Alyson. I’ve never really done a ‘fresh start’ before, so I am really hoping it works for me. All I know is that I need to move to different surroundings, so that I can look at myself from a different perspective, or something. There are too many memories where I am now, and they swirl around me constantly. Thanks for your words of encouragement and well done to you also 🙂
Yes, I completely understand that. It sounds like you need a break from your surroundings. You are going to learn so much from doing this. Exciting times ahead of you! Enjoy! 🙂
Great post. Good luck with moving and with figuring everything out!
Thanks for reading – I think I have an ‘interesting’ few months ahead and I really hope I don’t have a freakout and what to come back! In ways, I feel like I am too old for this but, if it’s broke, fix it, right!! 🙂
Good for you! Having moved from the Mainland of Scotland to a tiny island up north, I can honestly say I can empathise with you. I felt so conflicted: not only was I leaving home in pursuit of a job, I was leaving behind my family, friends and my fiance… I think you have to have faith in taking a chance. You are doing the brave thing and if it doesn’t pan out (although I’m sure it will!) nothing is irreversible, you can always go back/elsewhere. Good luck with everything. 🙂
Wow, a little island? Whats that like? Sounds idyllic? Yeah, I’m just going to take the so called ‘bull by horns’ and run with it, and as you rightly say, if it doesn’t work out, I can come back! 🙂
Hmm, I wouldn’t call it idyllic… it’s certainly different though. There is different atmosphere, very different vibe and a slower pace of life. It’s been good for me to experience this. I’m sure your new direction will lead to exciting adventures. 🙂
The fresh start is always hardest the first time. I’ve been through four. It can be scary and seem overwhelming at times. But, it sounds like change will be a good thing for you. Be brave. You will always have your friends here in the blogsphere. Remember…That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.
Thanks Dennis – honestly, it’s great knowing others have similar experiences and go through times of change too — it took so long to get here, but so far it feels good!! Just need to get my Internet access sorted and I’ll be well settled in to Me Version 2.0!
I’m embarking on a similar journey of re-establishing myself, figuring out what I really want to do and attempt to make it happen. It’s reassuring to know there are others there trying to do the same.
Hi Lisa, it’s a tough journey and so many things can try to stand in your way– money, responsibilities etc — but I decided if I don’t do something now, I will be stuck on this limbo situation forever.
Good luck and you are right, knowing other people are in similar places in their lives is encouraging and gives strength!! God speed to us!