Old Love Letters Revisited

15 Apr

The dark, angst ridden stuff I wrote, back then, oh god, should I be embarrassed…..tonight is my last night in my current house, and so, all the old odds and ends and hidden boxes of souvenirs were finally pulled out from under the bed.  And there it was, ‘the memories box’ – all dusty and ragged looking but still able to cast a silent spell of nostalgia over me. I hunched up to the wall and lifted the lid. Ryder Cup passes, Electric Picnic passes (the less sunny Irish attempt at Coachella) and other random cinema tickets, birthday cards and letters to loved ones when I lived in France. And then, there they were – letters and late night poetry to ‘The Boy’.

Granted, my love letters were largely unrequited, despite being acknowledged, but they never brought the turnaround I was hoping for. They were mostly fraught with angst and severe melancholy and on re-reading them tonight , I actually wonder if they could be termed as ‘love letters’ at all. Foolish, awful, creative, god who knows….

So, I wanted to share the last 3 verses of a 14 verse poem I wrote for ‘The Boy’ — I have never shown these to anyone, eeekkk….they was written in the depths of despair after I found him with his new love.

Late at night, I talk to you, to let my soul find sleep

You don’t hear, you can’t listen, you sleep in blissful peace

Words true, feelings strong, I’ve lost the man I love

But things have changed and time moves on, but still the heart wants things

To protect you from the storm of life, to dry your tears of pain

To hold your dreams and fly with them, to make you smile for you

To shelter you when times get tough, to feed your hungry thoughts

To cover you with a blanket of love and hide you from those who hurt

You were the only voice I wanted, when darkness crept its way in

The light had dimmed, the sail had lapsed, the sun no longer shone

Dark thoughts lay on my heart, I clung to the only light

In a sky washed with the darkest blue, you were the only star that shone.

NMG.C

Image: Zazzle.com

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4 Responses to “Old Love Letters Revisited”

  1. Lisa Pace Wegrzyn April 16, 2012 at 1:21 am #

    Those were honest words of what you were feeling at the time, not foolish at all.

  2. Jennifer (MB & CL) April 16, 2012 at 11:44 am #

    ahhh. I remember these things. I have my own box of cringeworthy letters and diary entries, which I saw again after many years when we moved last year. You brought back my own memories by just reading this post. Thanks (I think) 🙂

    • What's it All About and Other Stories April 17, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

      Aw, they really do bring you back, but I can’t bring myself to throw them out! I think we need to keep these things to remind ourselves how far we’ve come!

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