Tag Archives: reincarination

of love and limerence…the end?

3 Apr

Four years…..it’s a long time to allow yourself to be consumed by some-one and to allow them to define you as a person. The boy never left the front of my mind, even for a day – always there, knocking at my thoughts. Was he ok? Did he think about me? When would I see him again? Someone told me that no-one can have a hold over you unless you allow it to happen. For months, I was unable to reconcile that statement, despite knowing it as probably true – yet the boy had such a hold over me, my thoughts and my actions and no matter how hard I tried to make it stop, it wouldn’t.

Was I just hopelessly in love with him or was it this limerence I have been recently reading about? In the past few months, the fear of him not being around anymore has begun to subside a little. The ‘need’ to see him is less strong and he invades my thoughts less often. And after four years of constant misery, these little steps are very welcome changes. I no longer live in fear of the day I will find out he is getting married or having a child with someone else.

I am not sure where these changes have stemmed from – perhaps writing my book, which deals a lot with the boy and my frustrated attempts to get over him. Maybe writing was a form of self-therapy? But I think it’s mostly to do with a book I read on reincarnation, strangely enough. Our relationship was two-sided, we had both acknowledged the silver thread between us for many years – it was just the boy was much more capable of dealing with it than I was. He’s a good person and maybe the idea that I have known him in previous lives and that we will meet him again in other lives allowed me lose the fear that he would disappear forever. All I know is that reading the reincarnation book was the only thing I read or did over four years that effected any type of positive change concerning the boy situation.

I am not sure he will ever truly leave me but at least for now, my feelings for him no longer control me.

NMG.C

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