Tag Archives: confidence

Editing + Delete = Nightmare

14 May

This is where I am today – I have almost thrown my laptop out the window twice, had a freak-out over at least 6 chapters, felt like packing up and going home and am close to losing faith in what I have written. I have deleted and re-written so much that I am frightened I am losing the essence of what I  wrote originally. I am trying to work scene by scene through the chapters, but maybe I have deleted too much, maybe I have misinterpreted what is my good writing and what is my bad writing…my gut instinct seems to have abandoned me. My structure is now all over the place, I think I have diluted some of my themes…..aghhhhhhh

Crisis of Confidence is officially in full swing 😦

I think I should leave things for today…..

NMG.C

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An unfocused means to an undefined end

6 Mar

Purpose and Determination – both these words have taken on significant new meanings for me in the last few days. I do have the Oxford English dictionary and I do know the definition of both words, however something Napoleon Hill said cast both words in a tremendous new light.

My life for the past few years has been marred with failures and let downs despite my very best efforts for more favorable outcomes. It seemed no matter how hard I tried to make my career, my relationships and my management of finances work, it appeared they were conspiring against me. I powered ahead, my sole purpose was to make ends meet and to survive. There was little, if any satisfaction in my endeavors and I believed that my sole purpose was to keep going with the faith that eventually everything would work out for me. My unhappiness with my life was further fueled by the fact that I really didn’t know what I wanted from life, what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. I was aimless and purposeless despite my determination.

My litany of failures hung over me like a dark cloud, chipping away at my self-confidence. I even tried allowing someone else to have access to my deepest thoughts, both conscious and subconscious, to examine if together, we could understand why I seemed completely incapable of making anything work out for me.

What I have learned over the past few days is that I have wandered aimlessly through all aspects of life. I had no plan, no desire for some final tangible outcome – I had an unfocused means to an undefined end. I was higgledy-piggledy in a maze with no exit.

So what has changed? I have finally realized what I want to do with my life. I was aware of this for some time, but not in the purposeful and determined way as outlined by Napoleon Hill. I was blinded by the barriers, the obstacles, the lack of this and the lack of that; all of which I truly believed would keep me from my fanciful goal. My failures have made me realize that I was on the wrong path all along and now I know that I have ignored lessons I should have examined for their greater meaning. I guess you could say I had an epiphany. You can’t go anywhere unless you know where you want to go – otherwise it is called wandering.

And so, with purpose and determination, I will now begin construction of my master plan for fulfillment. It feels great to finally know what I want from life and to believe that, if I let nothing stand in my way, I can achieve the greatness and success my soul always told me I had.

NMG.C

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