So there I was – things were coming together, I was focused and determined. The good days had begun to out number the bad, there was a shine, a glow a twinkle. And then, all it took was one little thing to turn everything on its head again. Things became blurry like they used to be, too many roads and not enough accursedness to begin making new decisions. I feel like I’ve gone ten steps back in the last week.
‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ my mother used to say. But I had a vision, and I was excited about it, powering ahead to make it all happen. ‘It’s only an obstacle’ I’ve been repeating to myself over the past few days, but now everything feels aimless again. I am struggling to write, to stay focused and I’ve stopped reading – all the things that kept my mind from wandering into over-thinking and over analyzing territory. I was sure my new-found sense of determination and clarity, focus and strength would follow thorough.
Perhaps it’s a dip, a temporary defeat – another one in a very long line of temporary defeats, that could well be construed as failure if one was inclined to think that way. Soldering on used to be a daily past time, and for a while there, it played second fiddle to my new-found focus and determination.
Where to find the strength to return to that bright sunny place where things looked good? I never really liked the dark.